I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
