I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I am naked and annoyed.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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