Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
