I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
