dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
