just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
