I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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