That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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