Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
