Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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