I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
