I'm so fucking centered right now
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
