I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
