I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize