Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm like, not good at living.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
