I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Randomize
