It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
