Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
