Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize