The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
