yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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