she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
