We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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