I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
