yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
