so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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