Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Randomize