Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
