im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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