hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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