how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
