Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
