i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
