what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize