Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
