i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
