I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
