Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
