this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
