That's when you crack a 10am beer
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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