just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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