my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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