Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
