At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
