THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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