I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
