Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I puked a lego.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
