she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
