My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
