My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Randomize
