I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
