the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
