So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
