I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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