I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
