508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
