dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
and she was petting her beer can
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I deserve to be covered in dicks
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
