A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize