reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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