Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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