Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
