Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
