how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
