Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize