Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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