you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
