his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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