I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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